He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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