can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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