new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
