I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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