when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
