So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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