I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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