i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
