You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
