She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
