wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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