Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
