im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
