don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
