i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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