btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
