I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
