Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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