i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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