I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
