i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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