That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
