Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
