can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
