Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
