i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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