Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
