somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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