No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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