WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
