not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
