Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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