He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
