He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is my gift to your gina
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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