Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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