Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
tell me about the eggs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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