i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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