oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
