Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
