I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
