Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
