i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
