It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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