We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
