I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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