im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
