i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
