I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am one with the molecules
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
