My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
