i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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